Hi everyone.
I’m currently in a place called Crema just outside of Milan visiting friends at the moment. No symptoms but no Aunt Flo either.
I’ll update my blog again when I get back which will be in a couple of days time.
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
Sunday
We didn’t need to make that decision on Sunday after all. The embryologist called to say that they didn’t think we should put them in the Blasto culture. Our little embryos were graded 1-6 with 1 being the best. We didn’t have any that were 1 (but 1 is extremely uncommon apparently). We had mostly grade 3 which is average. So, they wanted us to go in the following day for a day 3 transfer. They said that they would try to get the others to blasto stage and then if they did, they’d be able to freeze them. However, it wasn’t very likely because of their quality unfortunately.
Monday
We arrived at the clinic around lunchtime yesterday. The embryologist advised us to transfer 2 embryos to give us a better chance. After the transfer I lay down for 30 minutes and then they told us we could go home. All afternoon and evening I was talking to those little embryos and telling them how much I wanted them to stick around and how loved they were. I hoped that my womb was nice and cosy for them and have been doing lots of visualization.
Today
For the first time since Friday I’ve woken up not feeling rough. All weekend and yesterday I’ve been aching like I’ve had the flu. The operation really took it out of me and I’ve barely been able to move since. But today I feel fine.
I’ve been continuing to talk to my little embryos. Oh god, I really want this to work so much. Other than the positive thinking, eating well and taking it easy, there’s not much else I can do. I feel pretty helpless actually. But, I do feel buoyed that everyone is keeping everything crossed and praying for us. I’m having acupuncture tonight so hopefully that’ll keep me nice and relaxed.
I know me and Paul would make the most wonderful parents – I just want to be given that chance to prove it.
from → IVF, Infertility, Trying to conceive
Well, I went into the clinic yesterday for egg collection and they got 6 eggs! I know it’s not as many as most women but I’m so pleased with that result considering they only definitely knew I had 4 mature follies.
The procedure went fine but the recovery has been quite hard. Once the anesthetic wore off, I was in quite a bit of pain and as a result, I was sick. I’m still quite crampy today but it’s finally starting to wear off. The hospital was just so hot and I needed to get out and get some fresh air so I probably left earlier than they would have liked.
We told the doc that we wanted 100% ICSI and he agreed that that would be a good idea. Oh, he was such a lovely doctor too. Everyone there really put me at ease. The nure looking after me was especially nice. She walked me and Paul to my dad’s car to make sure I was ok.
So….this morning we got the call from the embryologist. 5 of our 6 eggs fertlised!! The only trouble is that we’re going to have to decide at what stage we do the transer. Do we risk letting them go to blastocyst stage or do we transfer them as cells? Obviously there are better chances of a pregnancy at blasto stage but what if none of them make it to that? The stats aren’t really in our favour as they would only expect 1 out of the 5 to reach blasto but there’s no guarantee that that would happen.
Arrrhh we just can’t decide. We’ve been given until tomorrow to make the decision but in the meantime, I’m starting a list of questions for them to help me make the right decision.
Hmmm decisions, decisions, decisions…
(p.s – thanks for my lovely comments again – they are always much appreciated)
from → IVF, Infertility, Trying to conceive
Hi everyone
Well yesterday’s appointment went ok. I’ve still got only the 4 mature follicles and a couple of medium sized ones but they definitely want to go ahead with the egg collection tomorrow. There wasn’t any “umming” and “arrhing” from the nurse about whether to go ahead or not so I didn’t question it. BUT I did forget to ask about 100% ICSI!!!! Hopefully I’ll get a chance to ask tomorrow or I could call them today maybe. Actually, I think I’ll try and call them today as I’m a bit worried.
Thanks to everyone for their comments and well wishes. I’m staying positive about everything and doing lots of visualization, meditation etc.
I’m actually quite excited about tomorrow now. Come on little eggs!!!!
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
Well, today’s appointment went differently to what I expected. I’d already got it in my head that we were going to abandon this cycle and start again. Over the weekend I was feeling a little more uncomfortable than usual but not massively so I didn’t think my follies had gotten any bigger or that any others had developed.
My husband’s work is so busy and he’s reached an important part in his project – the launch! Because of this, I’d convinced myself that, because he’s been so stressed lately, it would have been better to cancel this cycle anyway.
But, just to confuse me, today’s scan showed that the four follies I have, had matured quite convincingly and there are a few others that could feasibly catch up so they want to re-scan me on Wednesday.
In my view, it still doesn’t seem enough for egg collection but the nurse sounded quite positive and said that I could be ready for egg collection on Friday! Apparently we can discuss what to do at the next appointment on Wednesday. It seems like my body is reacting better with the higher dosage but I’m tempted to see if it would have done any better had I had the high dose from the start? Would I be looking at 12 eggs rather than a possible 6?
We originally opted to have 50% IVF and 50% IVF with ICSI but I think if we do decide to go for it this cycle then maybe we’d ask for it to be 100% ICSI.
Arrrgghh I’m so confused. I thought I’d know today what was going to happen but I’m having to wait until Wednesday instead.
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
It was mixed news today for me unfortunately. The scan showed no real progress from my follies. I’ve got 4 maturing ones but the rest are too tiny and there really isn’t that many of them. So, the nurse said we should continue with the injections until Monday when I’ll have a re-scan and they’ll assess the situation then.
We talked to her about the possibility of this cycle being abandoned. She confirmed that abandoning might be the only option on Monday and that if we did stop then we’d at least get another shot of an NHS funded cycle next time. I think this is probably going to be the case to be honest. Disappointing it’s probably best to save £4000 and wait another couple of months. What’s another couple of months when you’ve been waiting so long anyway?
I asked whether we could revert to IUI but although we’ve probably not got enough follies for IVF, we’ve already got too many for IUI as their cut-off is three.
At least this nurse was more positive (and she just so happens to live opposite my dad). She said that not to give up hope – there is still lots they can do the next time around if it comes to it.
I do feel okay though despite the not so great news we’ve had.
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
I have to admit that I’m starting to sink actually. IVF is more of a struggle than I ever imagined.
When I first started to think about IVF I thought it was a matter of just taking the drugs, collecting the eggs and transferring one back in – then it was a matter of hoping for the best outcome. I didn’t realise that there were junctures involved. Junctures like whether or not to continue with the nasal spray (and therefore the IVF cycle) this month due to the worst migraines I’ve ever had. Junctures like yesterday when I found out that my body wasn’t responding to the stimulants very well at all despite being on a higher than average dose for a woman of my age.
The consultant has advised me to up the dosage. We’re now only one more dose away from the maximum and I’m hoping so badly that it’ll work. We’ve got another hospital appointment on Friday to see where we’re at.
I asked the nurse how common my body’s lack of response was and her reply was not very encouraging. For a woman of my age this doesn’t look good.
To be honest, I keep typing the word ‘woman’ but I’m seriously not feeling very womanly at the moment. I’m losing confidence more and more now. I was supposed to go to college last night as I’d enrolled in night school to learn to sew. Despite paying for the 8 week course in advance, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. The course was supposed to be a fun thing to take my mind off my situation but I was dreading it instead of being excited about it.
My work is starting to suffer. I’ve found out that I failed a work related exam and I’m dreading the meetings I’ve got lined up to talk to CEOs of Local Authorities. After my appointment yesterday, I just couldn’t face going in to work so ended up saying I was sick. Today I’m sat here at work on the verge of tears.
I don’t want to give in to this state but I don’t really feel strong enough to keep treading water anymore……
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
Let me start off by saying that I thought I’d been let off with the side effects of the nasal spray I’ve been using for down – regulation. I was so wrong!
I’ve been so poorly lately. My entire week last week consisted of a 7 day migraine! I’m 99% certain it has been due to the changes in my body caused by the nasal spray I’ve been taking. The migraine became even more intense after I’d taken the spray and didn’t die down until 8 hours after I’d taken the dose – just in time for when I had to take my next lot of spray.
It started on Friday 8th and went right through to the following Thursday. I’ve never felt so poorly. I cried with the pain and the pain made me feel so sick. I wanted to give up taking the spray but the nurse said that if I stopped the spray, I’d have to stop the cycle and try again next month.
It was a hard decision to carry on taking the spray. I knew what was causing me to be in such agony but I kept thinking about what the end result might be if I carried on. The image of a little baby at the end kept me going but there were so many times last week that I thought the migraine was a sign that I should stop and that I just wasn’t meant to be a mother.
So, last Monday I had a hospital appointment for a baseline scan. This was the scan that would show whether or not I could start the injections. I had to make the appointment. I couldn’t forgo this month’s cycle like I had to in November. The waiting would upset me too much. So, I dragged myself out of bed and my husband helped me get ready. The appointment went well as I was told that we could start the injections. We told the nurse how I was feeling and she confirmed that it probably was the spray. She said that starting the injections might ease the pain as I’d be putting more hormones back into my body. However, she told me that I couldn’t take anything other than Paracetamol as anything else would interfere with the treatment.
On Tuesday the migraine got worse. I ended up having to see the doctor who luckily is literally over the road from where I live as he wouldn’t come out and see me. He prescribed me Co-Codamol. When I asked whether this would be ok with the fertility treatment he said “it should be”. IT SHOULD BE!!!! I wanted a “yes” or “no”, not a “should be”. I had to take it though. I was in too much pain not too.
I’m still feeling the effects of the migraine. It’s left me exhausted and with a slight headache that I’ve just accepted I’ll have until this ordeal is over with.
I hope this will all be worth it. I’ve seriously never been that ill before.
Also, I know that I give my husband lots of praise when writing my blog and so I hope you don’t mind me giving him lots more but he has been truly wonderful this past week. My dad has also been amazing and has looked after me whilst my husband has been at work. I’m so grateful for both of them for their love and patience and help getting me through that week.
So, it’s onwards and upwards now that the migraine has gone. I’m feeling nice and positive about everything. The injections have been a breeze to handle and I’ve not been the baby that that I was during my IUI. I have my hospital scan tomorrow to see how the follies are doing so fingers crossed that I’m on the right track.
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
Went to Australia – a lifelong ambition for me (well, ever since I started watching Neighbours as a small girl anyway ha!)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember making any resolutions last year but if I did, I think it would have been to be a more positive person. This, incidentally, will be my resolution for this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my cousin
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully
5. What countries did you visit?
Australia, Denmark, Czech Republic, France
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A baby
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My birthday which was probably one of the worst days of 2009 – no baby or pregnancy and the weather ruined the plans we had made making me even more miserable. On a happier note, the day we visited Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary was one of the best days of my life.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a promotion at work. I also like the think that actually getting through 2009 with the ways things have been going on the baby front is also a good achievement.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not getting pregnant.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Mental illness from all this infertility business!!!!!!!!!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A holiday to Australia.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My darling husband for putting up with my terrible mood swings. My dad, sister and auntie J for their support.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No-one that I actually know but I saw some hurtful comments from people who are against IVF that upset me quite a bit
14. Where did most of your money go?
On our holiday to Australia and our new Mazda 3
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I keep going on about this but Australia!
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Anything from Brendan Benson’s new album
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
a) Sadder b) Fatter c) Poorer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Smiling and laughing
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I fall in love with my husband more and more every day (oh and all of the koalas in Lone Pine)
22. What was your favourite TV program?
Frasier – I know it’s old but I’ve just started getting into it again.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No
24. What was the best book you read?
The Piano Teacher
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Albert Hammond Junior
26. What did you want and get?
A holiday to Australia
27. What did you want and not get?
To be a mother
28. What was your favourite film of this year?
(500) Days of Summer
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a horrible birthday feeling sad and depressed – my plans were ruined because of the weather – in July people!!!!! I was 28.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being pregnant at least
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Same as always – jeans and a t-shirt
32. What kept you sane?
My husband and all of the holidays we went on
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jason Orange from Take That
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Postcode lottery for IVF treatment in the UK and the tories’ policy to abolish the quango that my husband works for should they get in at the next election this year.
35. Who did you miss?
My nan – I miss her all the time
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I didn’t really meet anyone new but it’s been nice having more of a friendship this year with an old friend from school – (SS).
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Don’t be so cynical – try new things if you’re not happy with the way things are going. Have an open mind and be kind to others – karma may exist!
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Problems, lines on your face
You smooth them out so no one can tell
put a straight back upon a stage
could dance dance hide the tremor in your hand
And I’m watching you now
I see you building the castle with one hand
while tearing down another with the other
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
Aunt Flo has now arrived – her first visit of 2010. She’s well and truly been told not to come back again for the next 9 to 10 months. I’m going to prove to her that I mean business buy not stocking up on the essentials if you know what I mean?!!! I’m determined that the IVF will work and that I wont need them.
I’m still suffering from a stuffy nose and I’m still fretting that the nasal spray isn’t having the right effect. I need to get rid of this bloody cold! I think me and P are stuck in a vicious circle of passing it back to each other – just when we think we’re recovering we start feeling bad again.
I’m keen for next Monday to come around when I have my baseline scan. I’m looking forward to starting the injections!! Yes, you heard that right!
The only bad thing about having this IVF cycle start now is that P’s work is absolutely manic at the moment with the launch of the project he’s been working on and I’m in the middle of having to visit lots of different council offices over the East and West Midlands. We’ve got to remain as stress-free as possible but how on earth do we do that when we’re both in one of the busiest months for work? I think it’s only going to get busier and busier for me with the general election coming up (for those of you who don’t know me, I work in the electoral world) and the threat that Mr Brown may even call an early election is still hanging around. Maybe I could write him a letter asking him to let everyone know that the election will be on 6 May rather than messing us around? I can just imagine it:-
Dear Prime Minister
You don’t know me but I work for the Electoral Commission. Due to you keeping everyone in suspense about when the election will or will not be, it is creating a lot of unnecessary stress and work at the moment; Stress that I cannot afford to have right now. You see, I’m at the beginning of my IVF protocol and I do not want anything to go wrong. I already only have a 1 in 4 chance of it succeeding and I don’t want those odds to go down any more.
Therefore, I would be extremely grateful if you could just announce that the election will be in May.
Kindest regards,
from → IVF, Infertility, TTC, Trying to conceive
